Monday, April 1, 2013
montreal just got montREAL: Part 2
2nd joint of the night. it's like.... 9:30? I dunno. ready to pull an all nighter. yeah. DAVE CAVE IS PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER. who am i. who am i becoming. AHHH i'm not sleeping regularly my life is out of control. jk jk jk. i'm having an amazing time.
Feel at home? Feel at home with amber. Home is where u are able to talk about whatever. Someone re word that so it is more fluid.
This my city, let me roll with the punches! ha ha just kidding! Someone please hold an intervention and lay me down in a field in ontario and feed me sunkissed strawberries i need fructose and rows of dried wheat.
we went to some punk show at.... squalor i think it's called? It was like that part in a movie where the girl meets the musician guy and she finds out he's playing, and
she's like "where are you playing"
guy: "oh, see that really popular club over there?"
her: "omg, ur playing at that popular club?"
guy: "no, there's a side door to a basement, i'm playing there."
her: okay! that's more fun!
And on the way there, hugs that turned into twirls, and whatever. The city was wet and dark and grey and buzzy and i'm stoned and texting a salamander to meet me at a club (??????) Salamander is now my code word for super kewt astral beings.
OKay. woah. The picture of amber and i's feet was like.... taken at 9:00 pm, and then the picture of this couch flopper was taken at.... 5:00 am? Like, so much happened and i forgot to take pictures. So much happened during the night. The punk show, the patio sitting, the drugs, getting high on some back porch and me yelling at montreal city elitist "you think i'm from a small town? You fetishize my hickness!"
i guess cuz i give off that vibe of small town back woods dude, when they find out where i'm from, they talk slower and secretly wait for me to say something super racist and offensive. just kidding. just kidding. They were all really nice.
Quote of the night.... so fucking many quotes.
me: yeah, i'm a new stoner, i don't know how people can tell the difference between pot
salamander: yeah, me neither, i'm just like.... it fucked me up, i guess.
Ended up at this row of apartments/punk parties i think? we went to try to buy drugs at this place someone had a face tattoo and the walls were covered in sharpie and graffiti. And i'm like "this is exactly my mom's worst fear come true!" haha
this guy had some super intense eyes and kept asking me if he would have a chance with me if he hit on me at a club.... um, sure? i dunno what to say i'm tired!!!
This person wanted to make.... DMT? some drug where you take the bark of a tree and mix it with water and then you "enter another dimension".... oh god oh god i need some flax seed and grapefruit juice.
They ended up bringing a joint somewhere. So the four of us are sitting on a couch, kind of talking, kind of whatever, and they go upstairs to play video games, but they're loud and it's all open and we start making out but they're still loud and holy fuck when will they leave, will they? Will they leave?
They did leave! They left us alone for a bit. Not sure what/why those stains are there. probably olive oil? sorry DMT person! it was their bed, i think?
they had to catch a bus/train in the morning, and we're walking over the tracks and they're just standing there....for a bit i thought i was going to witness a train hopping????
And sometime when we crossed the train tracks, the drugs wore off and exhaustion set in but the adrenaline was there because, um, hi look at them? And i'm not used to these feelings. i'm not. waht do i do with them? Do i make art? do i call my mom? Do i make art for my mom??? just kidding just kidding. but i'm done with emotional barriers. i know i come across as this emotionless lizard brained Practical Patty, but i am a secrety squishy romantic, secretly, i just don't talk about it. I do want those things that those things bring?????
i don't care about "coming on too strong" i don't care! Maybe i want to come on strong. Isn't that the same as "saying how u feel"??? i dunno. i know this is, like crushes 101 but i skipped that class in high school. I remember saying to them "i have no emotional filter, so i'll just tell you that______" and blah blah blah.
At the metro station, i got nervous and sad because that meant it was over, the night, the night that was now easter sunday and all the stores were closed, we walked through an easter ghost town with coffee in styrofoam cups and greasy hair and i thought about the nicki minaj song "i wish that i could have this moment for life" then i scolded myself for thinking about nikki minaj at a time like this! Why wasn't i thinking about a joni mitchell song???? I did, (help me.... the song)
This guy kept asking us for smokes and then just sat and stared at us and started yelling at us. It got scary so we moved inside and sat on a hard bench in the sun and brushed hands and i kissed them and then hugged them then the metro ate them alive like a python and i started the grieving process but on fast forward.
i am a smiling dead bird covered in frost. my leaking blood froze, and i sit with gravel marks on my face and dirt on my feet. i think of distance, of wheels and trains, and time spent travelling and i can't help thinking about FUTURES and i spent the rest of my time with Amber freaking out and not knowing what to do... what do i do about this salamander that appeared in my life in one night and so scared it's terrifying i'm new here!!!
Stephanie, Amber's roomate gave me some sound, calming advice, in a voice so soothing it felt like a scalp massage:
"You do nothing. You wait and you think about something else."
And so i curled myself in a quilt and listened to the Grease soundtrack tried, i tried so hard to think about Danny and Sandy at the dance but i couldn't.
Sending out an S.O.S. to Joni Mitchell. Help me, Joni, help.